It's 2:42 am as I'm beginning to write this. My mind won't let me sleep. I can't get it out of my head. The aching in my heart it's terrible. But I'm casting it all aside. I'm rewinding the tape so to speak and letting God have it all.
I have my own computer. talk to you later.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Retardation
The day was hot the water was cold and the lady wept from exhaustion. To me she came with fleeting hopes and I heeded her words with caution. She lay her head on my arm as I comforted her in the shade and told her to hold on and not give up and the music stopped.... I mustn't go on.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
The Road Less Traveled
To my north there is a front moving in and the road is smooth, albeit long. It traverses for miles and miles and that's just from what I can see.
To my east is where I've come. And nowhere I'd be interested in going back to.
To my south is clear skies. Wildflowers blooming on either side of the road. Windmills line the horizon and the breezes calm my nerves when I look down it.
To my west is neither ominous nor familiar. It's not clear or cloudy. It's not vacant or occupied. It's just a road. A road that leads somewhere.... or nowhere. It's lethargic at worst. And empty to the notion of somewhere you'd like to go or somewhere you'd die to avoid.
Where to turn... where to turn....
Standing in the middle of this intersection I realize that if there is a front coming from the north... it's best to wait out the on coming storm that is destined to be with the front. I see a shack just south of me and run to it as the winds pick up. I struggle to muscle the door shut behind me. Inside my sanctuary I think to myself... why am I here?
When did I embark on this adventure? Why didn't I die out there? The birds knew it wouldn't have been long before I passed out and then it would have been a matter of time before I'd kick the bucket.
The walls of the depleted old shack were shaken violently by the winds of this storm. I pushed out onto the walls trying to give it some extra bracing. The storm hit and I don't remember a whole lot. The walls separated at the seems of the wooden slats it was made of. I rose in the air. Then... static...................
Flashes of lights, flashes of roaring thunder, flashes of hailstones. The misery seemed to echo on for eternities at a time as I tried to get the dull ringing from my ears.
I lay amidst the wildflowers on the banks of the southern road. The sun splattered across my face, I knew where I was but I don't remember getting there. I tried to move but I couldn't. I felt the ground risen up around me. I must have been thrown into the ground. How bad a storm was this?
The flowers surrounding me don't look the same that they did before the storm. They had fermented. They were all dying. They were starting to stink. I crane my neck out of the muck I'm stuck in and see that most the flowers are sprawled everywhere even across the road. Oh the fragile beauty.
I lay my head back down and stare at the clear blue skies with this death all around me. The entire event was a bit offensive.. being forced to lay out with this stench of death that seemed to stem more from me than my surroundings. The clouds pass for hours. And the sun saunters across the sky until it's out of my sight. The sun set without any warning that day. The bones in my body felt strong enough but my will was keeping me on my back. I had no hope of escaping this wilderness. Who knows how long I had been gone for? Had anybody even noticed? I wasn't pleading for attention. I wasn't even escaping. Why has this happened?
I heard footsteps going down the road to my left. I craned my neck up and saw him walking towards me.
"There you are." said the voice with a smile. "I can't tell you where I've been looking for you." I tried and tried and tried to match the voice but nothing came to mind. He reached me in the grass and grabbed my hand. I was doubtful but with the touch of his hand I was on my feet.
I stood back a second to gain a perspective on who I was looking at. A man, kind face, big smile. Nice button up shirt, not buttoned. White shirt underneath, white shirt on top. Jeans. No shoes. He was back on the road in a second of getting me to my feet.
"Well?" He said, like he was waiting for me to explain myself.
"Thanks.' I said to him. "But I don't...."
"Yes.. I know you even though you don't know me." He interrupted....
"Who are you that you come and bring be out of my pit and place my feet back on the ground?" I asked him.
"It really doesn't matter, in the long run. You will know me but a glance into eternity. That's the requirement of you and the tragedy of being me." The man replied.
"N..."
"Are you coming or not? I don't have all day to be waiting out in these fields..." He smiled as he stopped me before I started.
I stepped foot onto the road and my muscles were weak. I winced with pain as I was so sore. "Have heart, you will make it back, I know these roads more than you don't know who I am." His encouragement made me laugh a little bit. But spoke miracles in my body. I stood up straight and closed my eyes as I walked next to him.
"Seriously though who are you?" I asked like I was in a dream.
"Open your eyes..." a whispered voice told me as I opened my eyes. I was by myself again. "Turn around.... " I turned as the voice told me.
The man was walking ahead due north. Arms outstretched and singing. Picking up the wildflowers as he went.
I decided to follow Him.
"Love Love Love...."
To my east is where I've come. And nowhere I'd be interested in going back to.
To my south is clear skies. Wildflowers blooming on either side of the road. Windmills line the horizon and the breezes calm my nerves when I look down it.
To my west is neither ominous nor familiar. It's not clear or cloudy. It's not vacant or occupied. It's just a road. A road that leads somewhere.... or nowhere. It's lethargic at worst. And empty to the notion of somewhere you'd like to go or somewhere you'd die to avoid.
Where to turn... where to turn....
Standing in the middle of this intersection I realize that if there is a front coming from the north... it's best to wait out the on coming storm that is destined to be with the front. I see a shack just south of me and run to it as the winds pick up. I struggle to muscle the door shut behind me. Inside my sanctuary I think to myself... why am I here?
When did I embark on this adventure? Why didn't I die out there? The birds knew it wouldn't have been long before I passed out and then it would have been a matter of time before I'd kick the bucket.
The walls of the depleted old shack were shaken violently by the winds of this storm. I pushed out onto the walls trying to give it some extra bracing. The storm hit and I don't remember a whole lot. The walls separated at the seems of the wooden slats it was made of. I rose in the air. Then... static...................
Flashes of lights, flashes of roaring thunder, flashes of hailstones. The misery seemed to echo on for eternities at a time as I tried to get the dull ringing from my ears.
I lay amidst the wildflowers on the banks of the southern road. The sun splattered across my face, I knew where I was but I don't remember getting there. I tried to move but I couldn't. I felt the ground risen up around me. I must have been thrown into the ground. How bad a storm was this?
The flowers surrounding me don't look the same that they did before the storm. They had fermented. They were all dying. They were starting to stink. I crane my neck out of the muck I'm stuck in and see that most the flowers are sprawled everywhere even across the road. Oh the fragile beauty.
I lay my head back down and stare at the clear blue skies with this death all around me. The entire event was a bit offensive.. being forced to lay out with this stench of death that seemed to stem more from me than my surroundings. The clouds pass for hours. And the sun saunters across the sky until it's out of my sight. The sun set without any warning that day. The bones in my body felt strong enough but my will was keeping me on my back. I had no hope of escaping this wilderness. Who knows how long I had been gone for? Had anybody even noticed? I wasn't pleading for attention. I wasn't even escaping. Why has this happened?
I heard footsteps going down the road to my left. I craned my neck up and saw him walking towards me.
"There you are." said the voice with a smile. "I can't tell you where I've been looking for you." I tried and tried and tried to match the voice but nothing came to mind. He reached me in the grass and grabbed my hand. I was doubtful but with the touch of his hand I was on my feet.
I stood back a second to gain a perspective on who I was looking at. A man, kind face, big smile. Nice button up shirt, not buttoned. White shirt underneath, white shirt on top. Jeans. No shoes. He was back on the road in a second of getting me to my feet.
"Well?" He said, like he was waiting for me to explain myself.
"Thanks.' I said to him. "But I don't...."
"Yes.. I know you even though you don't know me." He interrupted....
"Who are you that you come and bring be out of my pit and place my feet back on the ground?" I asked him.
"It really doesn't matter, in the long run. You will know me but a glance into eternity. That's the requirement of you and the tragedy of being me." The man replied.
"N..."
"Are you coming or not? I don't have all day to be waiting out in these fields..." He smiled as he stopped me before I started.
I stepped foot onto the road and my muscles were weak. I winced with pain as I was so sore. "Have heart, you will make it back, I know these roads more than you don't know who I am." His encouragement made me laugh a little bit. But spoke miracles in my body. I stood up straight and closed my eyes as I walked next to him.
"Seriously though who are you?" I asked like I was in a dream.
"Open your eyes..." a whispered voice told me as I opened my eyes. I was by myself again. "Turn around.... " I turned as the voice told me.
The man was walking ahead due north. Arms outstretched and singing. Picking up the wildflowers as he went.
I decided to follow Him.
"Love Love Love...."
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Only In Dreams
I once took a long walk. I didn't tell anyone where I was going. I just left. I walked to the end of my driveway. Then to the end of my street. Then to the end of the next road.
When one road ended, another one was there to accept me. And so I went along, smiling as the road kept me all the company I needed.
As I went on this road to the next and that one to the next after that. I noticed these distances grew greater. And eventually I wanted to be back in my driveway.
I didn't want to be walking anymore. I didn't even remember what roads I took to get where I now was.
I tried going backwards to where I had been but I guess those wrong turns just end roads, they didn't continue like they had before.
So I tried trudging forward since I had no past. But my courage faltered and I sat by the side of the road and waited. I don't know what I was waiting for in the middle of nowhere.
A sign maybe? A person who knew the way? Death?
I waited.... and waited... and waited... and waited... and you get the picture.
The sun beat down on me. And I was drained of my sweat as the summer heat blazed in my veins.
I couldn't decipher the real people from the mirages out there. Hope was very bleak. And I crawled to my knees and started crawling down the road I'd been to afraid to continue on.
I just wanted to go back home. Why was that too much to ask? Who was I asking? Why was I talking to myself?
I crawled until my knees gave out. And I pulled myself along until my arms gave out.
I was helpless. A heap of trash on the side of the road. I could hear the vultures.... lets not think about that.
I roll over and lay on my back as I stare into the cloud covered sky. At least it wasn't blinding like I was expecting.
I look across the expanse and see a rainbow in the distance. And my eyes go bright... rain.
The rain comes and starts to fall. Sweet relief after seemingly lifetimes of waiting. The rain comes. The droplets splash over my face as I lay with my mouth open wide. My clothes stick to my body as I lay on the road.
My skin absorbs the moisture and with it comes revitalization. Sweet release that I can move again.
I roll to my knees and push up down with my feet to raise me up. Stumbling and fumbling I ramble back down the road to an intersection....
Where to turn... where to turn.
When one road ended, another one was there to accept me. And so I went along, smiling as the road kept me all the company I needed.
As I went on this road to the next and that one to the next after that. I noticed these distances grew greater. And eventually I wanted to be back in my driveway.
I didn't want to be walking anymore. I didn't even remember what roads I took to get where I now was.
I tried going backwards to where I had been but I guess those wrong turns just end roads, they didn't continue like they had before.
So I tried trudging forward since I had no past. But my courage faltered and I sat by the side of the road and waited. I don't know what I was waiting for in the middle of nowhere.
A sign maybe? A person who knew the way? Death?
I waited.... and waited... and waited... and waited... and you get the picture.
The sun beat down on me. And I was drained of my sweat as the summer heat blazed in my veins.
I couldn't decipher the real people from the mirages out there. Hope was very bleak. And I crawled to my knees and started crawling down the road I'd been to afraid to continue on.
I just wanted to go back home. Why was that too much to ask? Who was I asking? Why was I talking to myself?
I crawled until my knees gave out. And I pulled myself along until my arms gave out.
I was helpless. A heap of trash on the side of the road. I could hear the vultures.... lets not think about that.
I roll over and lay on my back as I stare into the cloud covered sky. At least it wasn't blinding like I was expecting.
I look across the expanse and see a rainbow in the distance. And my eyes go bright... rain.
The rain comes and starts to fall. Sweet relief after seemingly lifetimes of waiting. The rain comes. The droplets splash over my face as I lay with my mouth open wide. My clothes stick to my body as I lay on the road.
My skin absorbs the moisture and with it comes revitalization. Sweet release that I can move again.
I roll to my knees and push up down with my feet to raise me up. Stumbling and fumbling I ramble back down the road to an intersection....
Where to turn... where to turn.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Enchantment
When I'm encountered with His prescence, I can't move but witht he swaying of his beautiful voice. Telling me that I am beautiful. And that He's so in love with me. And that is more than enough for me.
Come get me.
I'm waiting for You.
Come get me.
I'm waiting for You.
I have scars from one million sins.
To reject your Holy Spirit.
I have scars to take a toll.
I have prayers of freedom.
To invite You into me.
I have prayers no one knows.
Come get me.
I'm waiting for You.
Come get me.
I'm waiting for You.
I have power from Love unceasing.
To proclaim Your Holy Name.
I have power and disbelief.
I am broken to die in horror.
To complete Your justice God.
I am broken underneath.
Come get me.
I am waiting for You.
Come get me.
I am waiting for You.
Come get me.
I am waiting for You.
I'm not a perfect person.
I'm never going to be good enough.
To earn the affection I seek from You.
But You give it no matter what.
Love has turned my life around.
Come get me.
I'm waiting for You.
Come get me.
I'm waiting for You.
I have scars from one million sins.
To reject your Holy Spirit.
I have scars to take a toll.
I have prayers of freedom.
To invite You into me.
I have prayers no one knows.
Come get me.
I'm waiting for You.
Come get me.
I'm waiting for You.
I have power from Love unceasing.
To proclaim Your Holy Name.
I have power and disbelief.
I am broken to die in horror.
To complete Your justice God.
I am broken underneath.
Come get me.
I am waiting for You.
Come get me.
I am waiting for You.
Come get me.
I am waiting for You.
I'm not a perfect person.
I'm never going to be good enough.
To earn the affection I seek from You.
But You give it no matter what.
Love has turned my life around.
Air
This is where the ingnorance of your Fathers has gotten you. With thousands of your brothers dead. The towers fell and you had no control. Even if they knew it was coming. IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE! It was going to happen, because it had to. This is where the unreached meet the reached. And your prideful leader acted of ignorance to bring death to so many. Death means NOTHING to me. Don't you get it? I'm your lover. I'm all of your lover. Every one of you is Mine, and I will not relent until I have all of you. My love comes with strict force, nothing less. And if you can't handle it, you'll burn like the rest of them. I am not a tyrant, I'm your Father. YOUR FATHER! AND I NEED YOU! I WANT YOU! BUT THE WORLD IS BIGGER THAN JUST YOU! The world will carry on but your Rome will fall just like theirs did. You beg Me for Mercy? Beg ME? Grovel at my feet? No. You don't, you all don't get who I AM is. I AM. That is who I am. I AM is the beginning of beginning. I AM! I am the uncreated. I am the unrelenquished. There is no power over ME! I am Power. I am Righteousness. I am Love. You still don't get it Jerusalem... I am Your Daddy. I Am your Father. I AM EVERYTHING TO YOU. And you don't even know it. How come you don't know it. The spirits of the world are wagering for your souls. Your whorish whims compromise everything you are. Your gluttony, lust, apathy, aravice, religion. You do nothing but compromise. I can't stand you like this beloved. I can't stand you like this. You are not Mine. You are hers! You are the beauty I created's. You still don't get it do you Jerusalem. You are never going to be Mine at this rate. Not a one of you has hope. And if you have hope SPEAK IT TO ME! SPEAK IT TO YOUR BROTHERS! SPEAK IT TO YOUR SISTERS! Oh Jerusalem, you don't know it now. But I AM, and I am coming. I am coming again. I am coming faster than You think. And louder than you know. I am bringing my judgement with me. But I have not given up on you Jerusalem. Beloved come back to Me. I'll bring you rest, I love you.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Object of Devotion
The second time around has been more difficult. I'm not finding solace in simple distractions. :)
It's not a simple out of sight out of mind. The enemy is putting his prickly hands into my business once again. Thwarting or at least trying to thwart the only thing I am doing.
It makes me smile to know that if I'm doing somthing right, Satan is there to remind me. He is awfully silent when I'm going along with his schemes.
God is pure electricity baby, and He's powering this city.
Wishing the Saints victory in a battle that means something this weekend. New Orleans... God is gonna shake you up.
It's not a simple out of sight out of mind. The enemy is putting his prickly hands into my business once again. Thwarting or at least trying to thwart the only thing I am doing.
It makes me smile to know that if I'm doing somthing right, Satan is there to remind me. He is awfully silent when I'm going along with his schemes.
God is pure electricity baby, and He's powering this city.
Wishing the Saints victory in a battle that means something this weekend. New Orleans... God is gonna shake you up.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Understating the Obvious
With a heart full of dread, I take one step forward.
I resist the chance to step back into line.
That's not what God has in store for me.
To fall back is the fail.
To fall back is to die in shame.
I'm going to die to shame, not from shame.
My heart is bruised, and my faith is shaken.
But my motivation is stirred.
My Lord is rising up.
The Lion is among us.
The enemy's been defeated.
The love can't be contained.
There are no retreating options left.
This is the final push.
Don't relent, we won't stop until He comes.
This is our cry.
Brothers in arms, sisters in love.
Sisters in arms, brothers in love.
Today we stand against the dark.
Today we stare into the dark.
Today we shine our Light into the dark.
Today we illiminate the duskwoods.
Today we band ourselves together.
Today we are branded worthy beyond our own words.
As your elite.
Your missionaries.
Your beloved.
We are God's beloved.
Release your wine..... :)
I resist the chance to step back into line.
That's not what God has in store for me.
To fall back is the fail.
To fall back is to die in shame.
I'm going to die to shame, not from shame.
My heart is bruised, and my faith is shaken.
But my motivation is stirred.
My Lord is rising up.
The Lion is among us.
The enemy's been defeated.
The love can't be contained.
There are no retreating options left.
This is the final push.
Don't relent, we won't stop until He comes.
This is our cry.
Brothers in arms, sisters in love.
Sisters in arms, brothers in love.
Today we stand against the dark.
Today we stare into the dark.
Today we shine our Light into the dark.
Today we illiminate the duskwoods.
Today we band ourselves together.
Today we are branded worthy beyond our own words.
As your elite.
Your missionaries.
Your beloved.
We are God's beloved.
Release your wine..... :)
Monday, February 8, 2010
Wells of Overflowing Joy...
The flood rose in the wasteland.
Covering my feet as I sloshed through the muck.
Then the rain came.
The terrible rain, it never stopped.
The rain was abrasive, stinging bullets.
Not even fast or piercing just forceful.
Like musket balls, raining from the sky.
And when they hit you it bruised with water's weight.
The 12th hour it was up to our chest.
We bound together in hopes of finding hope.
Yet, the higher the water got the less anyone cared anymore.
Apathy struck many dead by the 15th hour.
The creatures swimming in the waters were terrifying and unnatural.
As our feet could no longer touch the ground it was too much to bear.
Watching all my new found friends sink below the surface.
The large fish began to prey.
The rain never stopped.
I sunk below the surface.
I couldn't see the earth anymore...
I was so far from home.
And I suppose I'll never see it again.
Weightless
Forgive me, Father.
Covering my feet as I sloshed through the muck.
Then the rain came.
The terrible rain, it never stopped.
The rain was abrasive, stinging bullets.
Not even fast or piercing just forceful.
Like musket balls, raining from the sky.
And when they hit you it bruised with water's weight.
The 12th hour it was up to our chest.
We bound together in hopes of finding hope.
Yet, the higher the water got the less anyone cared anymore.
Apathy struck many dead by the 15th hour.
The creatures swimming in the waters were terrifying and unnatural.
As our feet could no longer touch the ground it was too much to bear.
Watching all my new found friends sink below the surface.
The large fish began to prey.
The rain never stopped.
I sunk below the surface.
I couldn't see the earth anymore...
I was so far from home.
And I suppose I'll never see it again.
Weightless
Forgive me, Father.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Nice and Slow
Okay.... whoa nelly. I'm getting ahead of myself.
I've gone from a broken soldier to a crusader in far too short of a time.
I'm still within shouting distance of the grave. I can't get cocky now.
And I've started to do that.
So God has spoken to me... I can't feel proud about that. God is supposed to. I'm in awe of Him but only as far as it suits me.
This is harder than I thought.
I've gone from a broken soldier to a crusader in far too short of a time.
I'm still within shouting distance of the grave. I can't get cocky now.
And I've started to do that.
So God has spoken to me... I can't feel proud about that. God is supposed to. I'm in awe of Him but only as far as it suits me.
This is harder than I thought.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Forgiveness
As Jesus was on the cross splayed on his back and having nails driven into his palms, He prays.
He did that a lot.
He was a prime example of the way we should be. But that's not my message today.
As Jesus prays He asks His Father in Heaven to forgive the people who are driving these stake like nails into his living flesh and through into the wooden crucifix behind Him.
"Forgive them Father, they know not what they do."
They know not what they do...
They....
Who are they?
The floggers? The Romans? The Jews?
The apostles? The people in the crowd for not stopping it? Man in general?
You see, Jesus saw something during his life, He saw we are all the problem.
But we aren't falling to our own devices. Intelligence without order causes destruction. Havoc ensues.
Jesus saw that the real problem is the fact that we don't have any clue what we are doing anymore. So, how this faith of a Christlike relationship with God has lasted so long is a miracle in itself and warrants noting.
That moment on the ground laying on that cross and he is lifted, is a realization point for Him. Satan came to Him in the desert and Jesus realized through it all, that Satan had been right there following His every move. And it had nothing to do with the fact that it was because He is God. It's because He is human. Satan afflicted everyone... still does. Satan planted a seed of doubt among the entirety of the story, for no other reason than because that's what He's done from the beginning.
And the whole world buys into it, because God is hard to deal with. We are control freaks by our nature. We long for power, we long for the ultimate everything. We are victims of pride.
Pride is a broad term: vanity, lust, malice, fear. These are pride.
Vanity: The excessive focus on one's reputation via looks and achievements.
Lust: A passionate or overmastering desire or craving of control and power.
Malice: The desire to cause damage to others seeded from impulse or premeditated resentment.
Fear: A distress of impending violence, consequence or heartbreak, whether real or imaginary.
From these spirits, come the downfall of man. Pride is a generalized term for them all.
Jesus knew that.
Jesus saw that people loved religion more than they loved the God they were worshipping. God saw that the people of that time were so blind that they couldn't raise themselves out of their pride, so He spent years going through the towns of Judea and confronting Satan at every pass. Whether it be with conquering the spirit of death, or the spirit of sickness, or the spirit of infection or the spirits of lust or spirits of malice or spirits of vanity and even the spirits of fear. Christ empowered them to do so. And that's because He was able to show just how powerful God actually is. And how exciting God can be and He exists beyond and man-made perimeters.
Forgive them Father, they know not what they do.
We don't listen to God and God alone. And if we did, if we went out on faith maybe some real change could happen.
He did that a lot.
He was a prime example of the way we should be. But that's not my message today.
As Jesus prays He asks His Father in Heaven to forgive the people who are driving these stake like nails into his living flesh and through into the wooden crucifix behind Him.
"Forgive them Father, they know not what they do."
They know not what they do...
They....
Who are they?
The floggers? The Romans? The Jews?
The apostles? The people in the crowd for not stopping it? Man in general?
You see, Jesus saw something during his life, He saw we are all the problem.
But we aren't falling to our own devices. Intelligence without order causes destruction. Havoc ensues.
Jesus saw that the real problem is the fact that we don't have any clue what we are doing anymore. So, how this faith of a Christlike relationship with God has lasted so long is a miracle in itself and warrants noting.
That moment on the ground laying on that cross and he is lifted, is a realization point for Him. Satan came to Him in the desert and Jesus realized through it all, that Satan had been right there following His every move. And it had nothing to do with the fact that it was because He is God. It's because He is human. Satan afflicted everyone... still does. Satan planted a seed of doubt among the entirety of the story, for no other reason than because that's what He's done from the beginning.
And the whole world buys into it, because God is hard to deal with. We are control freaks by our nature. We long for power, we long for the ultimate everything. We are victims of pride.
Pride is a broad term: vanity, lust, malice, fear. These are pride.
Vanity: The excessive focus on one's reputation via looks and achievements.
Lust: A passionate or overmastering desire or craving of control and power.
Malice: The desire to cause damage to others seeded from impulse or premeditated resentment.
Fear: A distress of impending violence, consequence or heartbreak, whether real or imaginary.
From these spirits, come the downfall of man. Pride is a generalized term for them all.
Jesus knew that.
Jesus saw that people loved religion more than they loved the God they were worshipping. God saw that the people of that time were so blind that they couldn't raise themselves out of their pride, so He spent years going through the towns of Judea and confronting Satan at every pass. Whether it be with conquering the spirit of death, or the spirit of sickness, or the spirit of infection or the spirits of lust or spirits of malice or spirits of vanity and even the spirits of fear. Christ empowered them to do so. And that's because He was able to show just how powerful God actually is. And how exciting God can be and He exists beyond and man-made perimeters.
Forgive them Father, they know not what they do.
We don't listen to God and God alone. And if we did, if we went out on faith maybe some real change could happen.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Don't let the spirits drown you.
Well I veiw spirits as tools
You hear of the spirit of fear
and the spirit of sound mind
the spirit of peace.
and so on.
I believe they are spiritual weapons.
10:41pmDustin
I think I agree with that
10:41pmBradley
Spiritually alive but not intelligent.
They have a specific purpose and therefore act out that spirit.
And that's why they are so hard to rebuke and such a good weapon on either side of the battle.
Because they aren't intelligent. They don't recongnize Christ as the all emcompassing power of God incarnate.
well there is a certain amount of spiritual confusion being lowered on you.
But rebuke the confusion. It's a spirit of confusion so you may have to rebuke many times.
10:24pmDustin
I tried while I was in class... it's a little hard to be intimidating while whispering so 20 other people don't hear you
10:25pmBradley
it's a spirit not a demon.
10:25pmDustin
because it was really bad in class the last couple days... just... having a really hard time understanding anything
10:25pmBradley
it doesn't take a lot to rebuke it, don't waste your energy on spirits.
10:25pmDustin
again, not really sure of the difference
10:25pmBradley
they just take persistance.
Demons are intentional and intelligent. Spirits are just tools sent to screw with us.
Spirits take persistance to fully rebuke.
And we can't waste all our energy rebuking them. It doesn't take a lot, because spirits don't have a lot of intelligence in them. They just do their job.
But listen as they are commanded. So you tell it to go away. The enemy tells it to go back.
You tell it to go away. and it goes like that for a while until its entropy fades it away.
Demons are much different because they are intelligent.
They know what they are doing when they screw with you.
And they are much more personal than spirits.
There are demonic spirits which are ugly but rebukeable.
But demons are to be exorcised.
if let get too close. because they have sticky fingers.
and don't let go by simple rebukes no matter how intense a rebuke it is
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Living Waters
I've been under this attack for a long time now.
My fears are creeping in but I rebuke. And I rebuke as my knowledge fails to counter.
The cramps creep in crippling my stomach with pain as I'm lured into his pit again. And I stand looking down the fjord that is caressing the sides of his pit. And I scowl at the bastard.
I turn away from him. My back turned and I limp away. I'm not doing this again, you son of a bitch. I'm not going to do this again, mark my words. As God as my witness, as surely as God is my Father, as surely as I will surely die, I will not do this again. I will not fall prey to the same mistakes for this go round or another go round to come.
I limp on back to the path as I am still crawling on my two feet. God pick me back up.... please pick me back up. But He doesn't, I'm not a little boy anymore. It's time that I become a man. My heart is being molded as I confront my Creator. I cannot see His face, but I can hear His heart. It sings to me soft lullabyes and tears fall again. I'm so desperate for You.
Burn me clean as I know You long for me to ask You that. And take care of him, only like you can. I'm not dealing with him or his shit heap of a 10 year plan, ever.... again. I wish not to be destroyed by falling prey to myself and falling prey to his schemes. You are my salvation. You are my Solace. You are my everlasting hope. You are my God. And I'm completely swept away in this. I'm completely at your Mercy. Pick me up.
Holy Spirit, set Your host on fire.
Holy God in me, You're my one desire
Holy Son, I know the words You say are true.
I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm addicted to You.
Holy Fire reign in me for all of my days.
Holy Plans surely plant my feet in all of Your ways.
Holy Cries of enchanting Joy filling up my ears.
And I will not be ashamed to follow You for all of my years.
Dance around me, Living Waters
Hold me close, Abba Father
Pour into me, all Your Heart's decrees
Holy Holy Holy live in me.
I invite You in, this room has been prepared.
And regardless of my nature being scared
My heart has broken for the final time.
I invite You in, to say for once "You are mine."
Dance around me, Living Waters
Hold me close, Abba Father
Pour into me, all Your Heart's decrees
Holy Holy Holy live in me.
Holy Holy Holy
Holy Holy Holy
Holy Holy Holy
Selah
My fears are creeping in but I rebuke. And I rebuke as my knowledge fails to counter.
The cramps creep in crippling my stomach with pain as I'm lured into his pit again. And I stand looking down the fjord that is caressing the sides of his pit. And I scowl at the bastard.
I turn away from him. My back turned and I limp away. I'm not doing this again, you son of a bitch. I'm not going to do this again, mark my words. As God as my witness, as surely as God is my Father, as surely as I will surely die, I will not do this again. I will not fall prey to the same mistakes for this go round or another go round to come.
I limp on back to the path as I am still crawling on my two feet. God pick me back up.... please pick me back up. But He doesn't, I'm not a little boy anymore. It's time that I become a man. My heart is being molded as I confront my Creator. I cannot see His face, but I can hear His heart. It sings to me soft lullabyes and tears fall again. I'm so desperate for You.
Burn me clean as I know You long for me to ask You that. And take care of him, only like you can. I'm not dealing with him or his shit heap of a 10 year plan, ever.... again. I wish not to be destroyed by falling prey to myself and falling prey to his schemes. You are my salvation. You are my Solace. You are my everlasting hope. You are my God. And I'm completely swept away in this. I'm completely at your Mercy. Pick me up.
Holy Spirit, set Your host on fire.
Holy God in me, You're my one desire
Holy Son, I know the words You say are true.
I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm addicted to You.
Holy Fire reign in me for all of my days.
Holy Plans surely plant my feet in all of Your ways.
Holy Cries of enchanting Joy filling up my ears.
And I will not be ashamed to follow You for all of my years.
Dance around me, Living Waters
Hold me close, Abba Father
Pour into me, all Your Heart's decrees
Holy Holy Holy live in me.
I invite You in, this room has been prepared.
And regardless of my nature being scared
My heart has broken for the final time.
I invite You in, to say for once "You are mine."
Dance around me, Living Waters
Hold me close, Abba Father
Pour into me, all Your Heart's decrees
Holy Holy Holy live in me.
Holy Holy Holy
Holy Holy Holy
Holy Holy Holy
Selah
Monday, February 1, 2010
The See-Saw
The spirit flows like a canyon rapid there, in the upper room.
The drinks lay deep drowning sorrows of the souls trapped inside ourselves.
We need to get out of own ways yet we have no control.
God help us get past ourselves. Let ourselves love You.
Let ourselves Love your correction.
Let us rebuke the schemes of the unfaithful angels and the mischievous spirits.
The voices that haunt us with their daunting calls of flaunting temption in the desolate waste.
The silver linings of our clouds.
Let our tears of repentance cleanse our souls to see you for what you are once again.
Let Love lift us up where we belong.
The drinks lay deep drowning sorrows of the souls trapped inside ourselves.
We need to get out of own ways yet we have no control.
God help us get past ourselves. Let ourselves love You.
Let ourselves Love your correction.
Let us rebuke the schemes of the unfaithful angels and the mischievous spirits.
The voices that haunt us with their daunting calls of flaunting temption in the desolate waste.
The silver linings of our clouds.
Let our tears of repentance cleanse our souls to see you for what you are once again.
Let Love lift us up where we belong.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Leather and Lace.
The rough skinned roughkins reportedly told the renegades that all the religion we could spend would replace the righteous motives of our generation.
The last night we saw them they were on the shore. Sending out flares to the commander. Warning of terrors they didn't know existed. I was concerned but He was steadfast and strong not faltering in His perch, footsteps never leaving the ground. I looked in awe as calmly. He reached across the waters and lifted them as He lifted me and I wept once more.
My tears we're not of fear but of disdain. Because my fears are realized. God I don't want you to die away. I'm not losing you again. I'm clutching so hard, like I can't but help hope you want me to. And I feel I'm being pulled into the war. I just don't know what army that is. I can't see the shades of grey that we are supposed to live in under your control. There is no steady hands in my cavalry. There is no tightened bootstraps in my infantry. How on Earth will we survive at this rate Lord.
My faith in your position as Commander of this Army stays true. I trust that you know what You know what You are doing. I fear that the rest of us don't though. I'm nervous that the rest of the Army isn't going to come when You call.
Is anyone listening anymore?
The last night we saw them they were on the shore. Sending out flares to the commander. Warning of terrors they didn't know existed. I was concerned but He was steadfast and strong not faltering in His perch, footsteps never leaving the ground. I looked in awe as calmly. He reached across the waters and lifted them as He lifted me and I wept once more.
My tears we're not of fear but of disdain. Because my fears are realized. God I don't want you to die away. I'm not losing you again. I'm clutching so hard, like I can't but help hope you want me to. And I feel I'm being pulled into the war. I just don't know what army that is. I can't see the shades of grey that we are supposed to live in under your control. There is no steady hands in my cavalry. There is no tightened bootstraps in my infantry. How on Earth will we survive at this rate Lord.
My faith in your position as Commander of this Army stays true. I trust that you know what You know what You are doing. I fear that the rest of us don't though. I'm nervous that the rest of the Army isn't going to come when You call.
Is anyone listening anymore?
Monday, January 25, 2010
Such a Simple Mirrored Image
I put my hand up to a mirror.
And I shook my own hand standing still. I felt the forces enter though the portal. As I exchanged my soul for relief little did I know that I cannot give what is not mine.
And they can't take what isn't theirs.
My soul belongs to something greater than relief. My heart belongs to a love greater than I understand. My love is not love at all.
My dreams live haunted appraisals of the earth as I take inventory. I'm the grim reaper. But I'm fully alive.
We are nothing but broken soldiers waiting in the trenches for the battle to resume. Or has it started?
And I shook my own hand standing still. I felt the forces enter though the portal. As I exchanged my soul for relief little did I know that I cannot give what is not mine.
And they can't take what isn't theirs.
My soul belongs to something greater than relief. My heart belongs to a love greater than I understand. My love is not love at all.
My dreams live haunted appraisals of the earth as I take inventory. I'm the grim reaper. But I'm fully alive.
We are nothing but broken soldiers waiting in the trenches for the battle to resume. Or has it started?
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Giants in the Sky
There are giants in the sky.
Such a magnificent statement if you think about it. Into the Woods follows 4 different fairy tales happening congruently in the same forest. And at one point Jack climbs up the beanstalk. And then he goes back. First because he was mystified by it all. Giants!
He then he talks to Little Red Riding Hood who wants to know where he got a golden egg. And to impress he climbs up again.
He gets in trouble. And a giant falls from the sky crushing a house. All for what?
To prove a point.
Sondheim did something incredible with this musical.
(What is he going on about?)
It's a metaphor of the pride we collect. We experience something incredible. Want other people to share it. Get over enthusiastic and at this point we usually act without thinking. Doing things we'll soon regret. And ending usually in the destruction of something completely unrelated.
Too many times, we become the victims of the disbelief of other people. "Preach at all times, use words when necessary."
We are the fault for the way people don't trust God. The way we don't care to grasp the greatness of God. The humanity of Christ, the Servanthood of Christ, the divinity of God, and the saviour that is Christ. We don't get it. If we climb up the beanstalk we just escaped our lives with, we'll surely cause more destruction.
So don't try to prove God to someone, because God is already enroute to do that. All we need to do is announce God's arrival. And open eyes, open ears, bring the balance back to a center and stop trying to do this on our own power.
Such a magnificent statement if you think about it. Into the Woods follows 4 different fairy tales happening congruently in the same forest. And at one point Jack climbs up the beanstalk. And then he goes back. First because he was mystified by it all. Giants!
He then he talks to Little Red Riding Hood who wants to know where he got a golden egg. And to impress he climbs up again.
He gets in trouble. And a giant falls from the sky crushing a house. All for what?
To prove a point.
Sondheim did something incredible with this musical.
(What is he going on about?)
It's a metaphor of the pride we collect. We experience something incredible. Want other people to share it. Get over enthusiastic and at this point we usually act without thinking. Doing things we'll soon regret. And ending usually in the destruction of something completely unrelated.
Too many times, we become the victims of the disbelief of other people. "Preach at all times, use words when necessary."
We are the fault for the way people don't trust God. The way we don't care to grasp the greatness of God. The humanity of Christ, the Servanthood of Christ, the divinity of God, and the saviour that is Christ. We don't get it. If we climb up the beanstalk we just escaped our lives with, we'll surely cause more destruction.
So don't try to prove God to someone, because God is already enroute to do that. All we need to do is announce God's arrival. And open eyes, open ears, bring the balance back to a center and stop trying to do this on our own power.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
The Life You Never Knew
A resurgance of spirit is eminant. Love is now becoming something of fiction. Holy wars splattering blood on the steps of our ivory citadels.
Our beautiful morals, eclipsed by our prideful syndication. Enforces fake disciplines into the hands of our children. Our sisters and brothers are looking in disbelief, we are the generation. To put it to an end. Our parents dying slowly in their emotional solitude.
Rain beating the hardtop cadillac of Christ, on sunny days. And the overcast days bring darkness to all who exit their homes.
We all knew the trump was resounding against our brick walls, but none of us were willing to listen.
We'll keep going at this rate. And never utter a single word about the state of our discontented dreams. The state of our outcast cries of repentance and reconcilliation. But they never come.
We cry out reaching for higher grounds
To clutch higher heights that we have ever known before
Seeing things we've only heard the stories spell.
Growing up inside of our casings has only fueled this hell.
Pulsating perfection mirrored duality inside our controverted minds.
Praying for our own sorrows like God doesn't see us.
God is ALIVE.
God can see you. Selfish pride prevents it. So kill it.
The damned pride of our forefathers has buried deep in our consciousness. It's become the society of our own endeavors. Don't give up on Him. He's coming, And I know it because I feel it.
It's inside me like a unintusive beacon calling us home. But the road is long and not going to be straight or safe or gentle or clear. But that's what we're called to follow. Because this damned planet has been cursed against us. Causing disasters to make us question it all. Making us doubt a loving Father.
And the land has been cursed. Not by God, because He built this beautiful. God hasn't ever created anything ugly. It's Lucifer and his comrades, striking the land dead before Adam arrived. And God has done everything to protect us from the bastard but God can't destroy something just because it's bad. Especially when it doesn't listen. Free will is like that.
Preservation and pancea are what God raves. So even though there is extreme painful greiving for Satan and the demons, there is no love lost. God loves Lucifer but knows that he must be stopped. It's going to take a great army to combat the demon legions.
Angel and man alike together to fight it to the death. And few will survive at the end. Yet, God will not lose. And Lucifer is convinced God is wrong. Because the damn planet was taken by the morning star before we got here and Lucifer is too pretty and proud to crawl back to God. So while Satan has every soul of the decieved, which regretfully is a lot. One angel on the side of God can handle any non-believer. The demons are the problem. So while the men of faith are outnumbered in this battle. The demons are outnumbered as well. Because God still has two thirds of all of them .
So what I'm saying is there is hope in our brainwashed lives. But it lies behind our lives of hate and selfishness.
I just wish I knew how to move quick enough.
.................................................................................................................
and God will give you the strength to endure as long as you believe, it's not pretty. But it's a start.
Our beautiful morals, eclipsed by our prideful syndication. Enforces fake disciplines into the hands of our children. Our sisters and brothers are looking in disbelief, we are the generation. To put it to an end. Our parents dying slowly in their emotional solitude.
Rain beating the hardtop cadillac of Christ, on sunny days. And the overcast days bring darkness to all who exit their homes.
We all knew the trump was resounding against our brick walls, but none of us were willing to listen.
We'll keep going at this rate. And never utter a single word about the state of our discontented dreams. The state of our outcast cries of repentance and reconcilliation. But they never come.
We cry out reaching for higher grounds
To clutch higher heights that we have ever known before
Seeing things we've only heard the stories spell.
Growing up inside of our casings has only fueled this hell.
Pulsating perfection mirrored duality inside our controverted minds.
Praying for our own sorrows like God doesn't see us.
God is ALIVE.
God can see you. Selfish pride prevents it. So kill it.
The damned pride of our forefathers has buried deep in our consciousness. It's become the society of our own endeavors. Don't give up on Him. He's coming, And I know it because I feel it.
It's inside me like a unintusive beacon calling us home. But the road is long and not going to be straight or safe or gentle or clear. But that's what we're called to follow. Because this damned planet has been cursed against us. Causing disasters to make us question it all. Making us doubt a loving Father.
And the land has been cursed. Not by God, because He built this beautiful. God hasn't ever created anything ugly. It's Lucifer and his comrades, striking the land dead before Adam arrived. And God has done everything to protect us from the bastard but God can't destroy something just because it's bad. Especially when it doesn't listen. Free will is like that.
Preservation and pancea are what God raves. So even though there is extreme painful greiving for Satan and the demons, there is no love lost. God loves Lucifer but knows that he must be stopped. It's going to take a great army to combat the demon legions.
Angel and man alike together to fight it to the death. And few will survive at the end. Yet, God will not lose. And Lucifer is convinced God is wrong. Because the damn planet was taken by the morning star before we got here and Lucifer is too pretty and proud to crawl back to God. So while Satan has every soul of the decieved, which regretfully is a lot. One angel on the side of God can handle any non-believer. The demons are the problem. So while the men of faith are outnumbered in this battle. The demons are outnumbered as well. Because God still has two thirds of all of them .
So what I'm saying is there is hope in our brainwashed lives. But it lies behind our lives of hate and selfishness.
I just wish I knew how to move quick enough.
.................................................................................................................
and God will give you the strength to endure as long as you believe, it's not pretty. But it's a start.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Total Polarization
I think it's high time for a new day.
The day where we aren't the masters of our destiny. The destiny in each of us is drawn out into long winded trials to see if we live up to our own standards.
The peace that fails next, is unbelievable. To consume ourselves for such things as living up to a standard that is a juxtaposition in itself.
I love you, and I have to believe in you.
But who are you?
You are the truth.
Believe in these lies
You are the truth
Saving my life.
So we continue just like we always have to go down our primrose paths. To celebrate the confectionery tales that are spun into golden threads we line our clouds with.
Pure lifelessness ensues for centuries if it's let. But not for you.
You are the truth.
I believe in these lies
But You are the truth
Saving my life.
Lacey gets it, man. She just freaking gets it.
To put down the shadow box God is forced behind.
Taking Jesus off the cross. Because that's not where he stayed.
We are all broken soldiers. And we aren't children anymore.
The day where we aren't the masters of our destiny. The destiny in each of us is drawn out into long winded trials to see if we live up to our own standards.
The peace that fails next, is unbelievable. To consume ourselves for such things as living up to a standard that is a juxtaposition in itself.
I love you, and I have to believe in you.
But who are you?
You are the truth.
Believe in these lies
You are the truth
Saving my life.
So we continue just like we always have to go down our primrose paths. To celebrate the confectionery tales that are spun into golden threads we line our clouds with.
Pure lifelessness ensues for centuries if it's let. But not for you.
You are the truth.
I believe in these lies
But You are the truth
Saving my life.
Lacey gets it, man. She just freaking gets it.
To put down the shadow box God is forced behind.
Taking Jesus off the cross. Because that's not where he stayed.
We are all broken soldiers. And we aren't children anymore.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
The Act of Putting Your Dreams to Sleep.
It's cold... damn cold.
I mean the kind of cold that makes you wonder if the sun is real, or just a remedial readers idea of a ufo, or even a mirage in the distance to distract you from being colder.
Whatever the position you stand on the subject of sun and the like will be whittled down to one thing.
That thing is going to come as a shock to you. For centuries, this has ravaged our families and stolen our money. Compromised everything we believe in. What's more it's made us believe in disbelief.
I know the whole spiel of an open mind, and let me tell you.
An open mind is not a one way street.
So we are here to destroy it once and for all. Join me. My name is Major. And this is how to kill your dreams and save yourself.
Enjoy.
So in actuality it's not cold at all. It's stupid foggy though. But I decided to start with something everyone can identify with. I can't say, "It's a freaking Scottish moor outside!" Few people would know what I'm talking about. But regardless my story is the same.
By the way that thing that I was talking about, is your pride. And it's going to fall.
I mean the kind of cold that makes you wonder if the sun is real, or just a remedial readers idea of a ufo, or even a mirage in the distance to distract you from being colder.
Whatever the position you stand on the subject of sun and the like will be whittled down to one thing.
That thing is going to come as a shock to you. For centuries, this has ravaged our families and stolen our money. Compromised everything we believe in. What's more it's made us believe in disbelief.
I know the whole spiel of an open mind, and let me tell you.
An open mind is not a one way street.
So we are here to destroy it once and for all. Join me. My name is Major. And this is how to kill your dreams and save yourself.
Enjoy.
So in actuality it's not cold at all. It's stupid foggy though. But I decided to start with something everyone can identify with. I can't say, "It's a freaking Scottish moor outside!" Few people would know what I'm talking about. But regardless my story is the same.
By the way that thing that I was talking about, is your pride. And it's going to fall.
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